Paradise! Part 1: Oh hi there, Caribbean.

Am I dreaming? How am I here? The beach is as white as an Eskimo's skin and the sea is as blue as his balls. Hang on - why am I thinking of cold weather, and balls? I'm with my girlfriend in the scorching hot sun! This is incredible! I thought I'd have to be working and a proper grown-up before I got to do this. How am I swimming in the Caribbean Sea at the age of 22? Meh, let's just enjoy this before I get woken up. 

We'd taken an early morning flight from Monterrey to Cancún, changing (and waiting for five hours) at Mexico City. During that stopover, we stared longingly at the doors (not for the entire five hours of course, just for a moment). Do we have time to pop to the capital? To the second biggest city in the world? Apparently they had the most awesome street tacos.... but we didn't want to miss the plane.... such tough decisions!!!

We decided to not be complete idiots and stayed in the airport, where I enjoyed some quality Mexican breakfast called chilaquiles, which is Spanish for "bonerific breakfast". It had chicken, nachos (edit:fried tortillas, according to Danie... because they're so different...), salsa, cheese, refried beans, onion, guacamole.... it was the ULTIMATE Mexican breakfast!

Chilaquiles - no one knows what it means

5th Avenue - the main street in Playa Del Carmen

Okay if I keep talking about the journey this will take FOREVER. Skipping to the actual holiday..........

I had heard that Cancún was basically the Mexican Magaluf, where people's idea of 'experiencing Mexican culture' is located between someone's legs with tequila in your veins. Playa Del Carmen, however, is.... not much different. It is about as Mexican as Old El Paso. The 5th avenue was the main street, a 3km long walkway full of restaurants and souvenir shops that sold giant tequila bottles, T-shirts with rude and funny slogans and sombreros that would look ridiculous even in Mexico. 

Oh, not to mention the fact that every single metre you walk down that street you'll be accosted by the shop-owners trying to lure you in with their offers. Seriously, they roost just outside their shop poised and ready.... waiting for you to look at their shop window for just one second. If you make that mistake, or even worse - make eye contact with them, they will swoop down at you and get you to buy the product you had just glanced for an eighth of a second. I was yelled at many times by a stranger, startling me and leaving me rather vexed. It turns out he was offering me a massage. That's their new tactic: make them poop their pants and increase their heart rate, and you shall increase their demand for a massage to take it back down again.

You can't accuse the Mexicans for not working hard, but you can resent the fact that they don't give you the slightest moment to peruse their products before preying on your pesos - or dollars. They accepted dollars too, highlighting just how they've managed to retain the national culture there.

Example of a typical Playa Del Carmen T-shirt

However, Playa Del Carmen is quieter than its more (in)famous neighbour, with more emphasis on bars, restaurants and just enjoying the beach, which is incredibly beautiful by the way! As we lugged our suitcases through the seemingly endless street in the tropical heat, we caught our first glimpse of the Caribbean, and it was like giving spinach to Popeye, or cocaine to Lindsay Lohan. Suddenly, we were rushing through blocks like a Lego enthusiast until before we knew it, we had arrived at our hotel.

Oh .....

...... Mah ......

...... GAAAAH!!!!

Danie had done the booking, and I had no idea where we'd be staying. How did we afford this? One word: Groupon. If God were a company..... (then he'd be Duff Beer because it's fictional and responsible for people shouting a load of nonsense on the streets).

As you can imagine, with a place like this, and the beach just around the corner, we didn't feel like exploring the entire state of Quintana Roo. We just .... relaxed! My dear Danie needed it more than anyone, with her first week off since she started her final semester in Monterrey a year ago. Yeah you read that correctly - Mexicans get negligible holidays: just 6 days a year!

We chilled at the beach.

We tried some local restaurants.

Cue crazy sombreros and Mexican stereotypes...

And we were mistaken many times for newlyweds on their honeymoon...

... I still have no idea why...

Just as an episode of The X Factor has to involve a melodramatically forced sob-story, a holiday in Mexico had to involve trying the local Mexican specialities, including fish tacos. Now I'm not a fan of fish - the smell puts me off and I dislike a lot of seafood. Danie, however, is pescatarian (meaning she doesn't eat real meat, just seafood...) and hence her dietary choice was rather more limited, and heavily favoured seafood restaurants. I braved the fish tacos, and they tasted pretty damn good - almost like real meat (although it can never surpass the real thing). The fish were freshly caught each morning in that very beach, so it was as good as fish gets! I know, because I saw it. 

Danie was very happy with the local fresh produce...

.. and I was happy, because we found some street tacos!

Whilst cooling in the sea, I saw a local wade through the lapping waves with a net, and he seemed to have an almost instinctive awareness of where the fish would be, and sure enough, his net was soon hosting a large silver fish (those things were swimming with us?! I had no clue, they must have adapted to avoiding clumsy tourist legs) and he repeated the process whilst providing me with some pretty cool entertainment.

Oh and Danie fell in the sea, which was also pretty entertaining!

Reunion with Marisol

Our time in Playa Del Carmen had a few particular highlights. We met up with another Mexican who had been in Rennes - Marisol. She's from Guadelajara, which, alongside Mexico City and Monterrey is the other megacity in Mexico. It was great, while again very strange, to catch up with a friend thousands of miles away from where you last saw them. We also had a night of drinking beers in a jacuzzi overlooking the bay, which was pretty much as good as life can get!

We did leave Playa Del Carmen for one day, however, and that was to visit a Wonder of the World (as you do): the ancient Mayan city of Chichén Itzá.

I also realised this may have been the first blog post I've written without swearing, so fuck yeah! Oh shit...

Done (for now)

Ollie

My first week in a new world.

I had been so tired, but I didn't feel it any longer once I arrived in Monterrey. I was too excited. Excited by the fact that I was there in the back of a car with my beautiful girlfriend in my arms, excited by the fact that I was actually able to hold her again, excited by the fact that she was chatting with her sister in a language that I had only just started to learn, so I still had no real idea what they were saying. Seriously, they could have been complaining that I looked and smelled terrible for all I knew (It was a 24 hour journey so I wouldn't blame them!), but I loved it! For once again, I was in an unfamiliar place, and it seems to be in those unfamiliar places where I feel most alive.

Monterrey, the city of mountains.

Monterrey is located in the North-East of Mexico in the state of Nuevo León, and is the third-largest greater metropolitan area in the country, with a population of over 4 million (humans obviously. The mosquito population is probably in the billions). The locals call the city La Ciudad de las Montañas, which of course is Spanish for "The Father of Montana". The actual meaning would be obvious to anyone traveling through the city - there were mountains EVERYWHERE! On the East, the West, the centre, under a rug, everywhere! I had always thought there was only one big mountain, so I was pleasantly surprised at the city's beauty. 

We took the "scenic" route back home, meaning going through the city centre. Mexico is a country of contrasts, in terms of the old and the new, the rich and the poor (the richest man in the world, Carlos Slim, is Mexican, and yet half the country's population lives in poverty) and the city of Monterrey is no exception. While some areas (such as where Danie lives) are more modern and comfortable, we drove through areas in the city centre with much older housing, and that was where I got my first of many culture shocks. 

There was a guy standing by a space between cars on the road. Danie told me that he was paid to guide drivers into their parking spaces. What?! I could do that myself (okay not very well. I kinda suck at parallel parking). Since learning about value-adding activity at business school, I've used it as an excuse for thrift, especially with toilet attendants. Why the hell should I pay someone because they ran the tap for me and gave me a paper towel? I don't want to brag, but I can do that pretty damn well myself thanks. In fact, I've been able to do that since I was about 3 or 4, and the only reason I can't do it in a club is because some bastard is holding the paper towels and hogging the tap! I've had to become a ninja, hovering near the basin, waiting to make my move. Waiting to attack. Then I SWING for the tap when he least expects it, turn my back to him as soon as he tries to catch me with his soap, and shake my hands dry, splashing him in the face. There you go, toilet guy! You always try to splash us with perfume, saying "No Splash, No Gash", well you just got splashed motherfucker, and you're not gonna get any gash because you're too busy harassing gentlemen in the toilet and watching them pee!

Where was I? Oh yeah, Mexico. So there's a lot of this kind of "informal commerce". Unemployment is lower in Mexico than it is in the UK, but a lot of people work these "informal" jobs where they receive tax-free money, and when I first arrived the concept was very weird for me, as many of these jobs didn't seem to add value and warrant being paid. Parking guides (I can do that myself), people who put the petrol in your tank (I can do that myself), people who bag your shopping at the supermarket (I can do that myself),  jugglers on the roads (I can do that myself) restaurant musicians (there's music on the stereo), flower sellers (the flowers are fake), Amish German-Mexicans trying to sell you cheese on the road while you're at a red light (um.... what?!) although I'm yet to meet a toilet attendant, surprisingly enough. Probably because I haven't been out clubbing. 

However, I've learned since to accept these jobs as they are, and to go with the flow. After all, there are people who rely on these little propinas to live (although I still refrain from buying the flowers). Anyway, I digress, epicly. After traveling through the city we arrived at Danie's house in the suburbs. 

Now for the moment that would install fear into every man: meeting the parents. It's particularly scary when it's your first time, but I may have had a little extra reason to self-defecate: the little issue of the massive language barrier as well! Her parents don't speak much English at all. I don't speak much Spanish at all. This will be fun....

Oh God I hope they don't do this... I won't even bloody understand them
 and I'll fail and they'll deport me...

... It went well! The family were very welcoming, all there with warm smiles as I entered their equally comforting home for the first time. It was a brief hello, as it was already quite late, but it was enough for me to hopefully have made a good impression with my limited Spanish..... and to try Mexican Coca-Cola! Oh it was good, like meeting a new best friend! Apparently Mexican Coke has more natural sugar from sugar cane, unlike the corn syrup that the Coke I'm used to contains. I don't know to be honest, but what I do know is Mexicans LOVE their Coke, so I would fit in nicely!

Before long, Danie and I were in the car going for a bite to eat. She wasted no time in getting me my first taco, from a small place just round the corner from her house. Oh it was so good! If the first swig of Coke was like making a new friend, this first bite was, quite literally, a taste of what was yet to come. Delicious beef, salsa, tortillas... I can kinda see why the Mexicans are so locos about tacos! That's basically what I've lived on these last few weeks! I have no idea how my girlfriend can be vegetarian here. It's almost like starving yourself to death in a supermarket, or being celibate at the Playboy mansion.

Then it was time for bed. The family had kindly set a room for me downstairs, with en suite - how kind! As excited as I was to start my Mexican shenanigans, after a 30-hour day I had the energy of a stoner on a treadmill. It was about time for a proper snooze.

I was woken early the next morning by the gate opening. Danie was leaving for work, leaving me in the clutches of the family I had just met. That first day was very tough indeed. I just wanted to spend time with Danie, but of course she had to work and I had to stay at home. Soon, I found myself being dragged around the town, somehow ending up at her father's dentistry and at the doctor's (for Danie's brother) and I had no idea what was happening and for how long. It was confusing, and I was very nervous trying to make a good impression whilst not knowing what the fuck was being said to me. It was a week of broken communication, with smiling and nodding. What would the Madagascar penguins say - "Just smile and wave, Ollie.... wait, don't wave! You look like a nob."

They are lovely, of course (the family now - not sure about the penguins) but I was very apprehensive of five upcoming awkward weeks with negligible successful communication between us. For the first week that certainly felt like the case. I made sure to be polite, and when I did speak I referred to the parents with the polite 'usted' form and reserved the more informal 'tú' for Danie's brother.


Yeah English seems to be the only language where we don't discriminate. We don't care if you're rich, poor, worthy of our respect or of a kick in the balls. We don't care if you're one person or more. You don't even need to exist, you could just be 'one'. In French, they use 'vous' for everyone except a familiar individual, for which they employ 'tu', and they say 'on' for 'one'. In Spanish, they have no fewer than FOUR words for 'you'. If you're a singular familiar person, you get a tú, if you're a singular formal person, it's an usted in your emails, if you're a plural group of familiar people, you're vosotros (or vosotras if you're all ladies) and ustedes if there's a single member that isn't familiar. Thankfully in Mexico, they realise that the case of vosotros is pretty damn rare! I mean, when you talk to a group of people you're not part of, there's bound to be that one person you don't really know/bother with/care for/would save if their head was trapped in a toilet.

So yeah, regarding the parents, I conjugate my verbs in a sycophantic manner. However, for the first week it probably didn't matter how I did it, as 90% of the time I was answering the wrong questions. Here's a typical exchange:

Señora: "Ollie, palalalapotellanutellasacapuntasierratu TOALLA cagagalalacera por favor?"
Ollie: ".............................................. okay no problemo...."

(20 minutes later)

Señora: "Ollie QUÉ HICISTE?"

I had returned with a tyre that I had taken off the car, mistranslating the word 'toalla', meaning 'towel'. She had just asked me to hang my towel out to dry out the back...

I'm only joking of course... like I'd know how to change a tyre! But I believe I've made my point: my comprehension of foreign languages sucks. They ask me to wash the dishes, I wash their tortoises instead. They tell me my Spanish is good, I say "I am hungry, yes". It's my Achilles heel of language learning, and the main reason why I'm still hesitant to call myself fluent in French. But this time, it's been a lot more scary! I have to appear the alpha-male, the fantastic lad worthy of their daughter, but here I'm as helpless as a hedgehog on a bouncy castle.

Hanging out in the centre of Monterrey with Danie

I spent the evenings with Danie of course: hanging out, eating out, making out and passing out. That first week I tried a lot of Mexican cuisine. Tacos, sopes, enchiladas, carne asada, sushi..... Yeah we went for a sushi buffet on the Thursday night with Danie's best friend, who knew English as well. Thank God! While immersion is a fantastic way to learn a language, when your level is pretty low it can be rather asphyxiating and you yearn to chat in your own language with someone. Yes my girlfriend speaks English, but it was nice to meet someone else who spoke it as well. We switched between the two: I'm not a total slacker!

We finished the week going to the centre of town for the first time to meet a couple of friends from Rennes - well, they're from Monterrey, not Rennes, but I met them when on exchange in Rennes - for a nice meal in a fancy canal-side restaurant (think the canals in Amsterdam, Bruges or Disneyland: not the dodgy ones on the edge of town where the local hobos go to breed). While Danie and I waited we were serenaded by a dude with a guitar alternating between anglophone and hispanophone songs - okay he was playing to the whole restaurant: we weren't that special! It was a nice environment, and Danie sang along with the Spanish songs looking at me in a cute, yet slightly awkward way, and I returned the favour with Hotel California and Summer of 69 and my inferior singing.

Then Itzel arrived. It was surreal! She had been one of my best friends in Rennes and one of my companions for our Interrail trip around Europe. It was great to see her, but crazy to do so in her 'natural' environment! We tried to talk, but then I realised that the nice serenading muchacho was rather intrusive to the restaurant environment. Luckily, however, he finished his set not long after, and we were left at peace.

Reuniting with some Rennes friends

Or so we thought. The bastard returned with a vengeance, in the form of a full band! Yes, a drum kit too - the loudest and most annoying instrument when you want a nice dinner to catch up with long-lost friends! When the others arrived, we relocated to an even more uppity and posh restaurant, right by the canal! I'm just glad I didn't sneeze or I might have gone for a swim. While it was abnormally hot for me (37 degrees on average in Mexico - hot but not unmanageable) and I would have quite fancied a dip, this would probably not have been the right context. Instead I stuffed my face with carne asada, which is their posh word for BBQ.

It was a nice end to the week, but we had to get home promptly, as we were to get up very early the next morning (4am) to go on holiday, and - wait, I DIDN'T MENTION THAT? Oh yeah, we'd totally booked a holiday ages ago, in Playa Del Carmen near Cancún. No big deal, just the Caribbean, where I had wanted to go my whole life. Yeah not really worth a mention in the blog, but I'm going to do it anyway because I like to annoy you guys with long anecdotes! But I also like to procrastinate and spread my to-do list over a long time period, so you got away with it this time. You're free to go back to your families, friends or that secret lover you keep in your wardrobe. Enjoy your freedom, because I'm....

Done (for today... mwahahahah)

Ollie

The moment I waited a year for...

Hmmmyaaaah mmm what? Where am I? On a plane? Must have dosed off... OH YEAH I'll be at Monterrey within three hours YAY! The woman next to me is reading a magazine in Spanish, yep this is real. There's an actual Mexican next to me. I must be near Mexico. Holy crap IT'S THAT WEIRD MOUNTAIN FROM MONTERREY! The one that has the crowny points on it, that's the one I've seen in the photos. I'M HERE!

Okay pilot, take your time to land us safely but hurry the fuck up too. I know we're 40 mins early but still.... You other passengers better get out of my way too once we land: I have a girlfriend to kiss for the first time in a year! (My God A YEAR! She's probably built up this moment in her head like crazy. You'd better not miss, Ollie!) I doubt any of these other passengers have anything like as urgent a need to be in Monterrey right now. Although that one guy looks like he's one failed business trip away from living on the streets, and there's another guy in a coma.... fuck it, this is more important. Move aside coma-boy! Okay, Ollie, calm down and WHAT THE FUCK IS TAKING SO LONG? I don't need an aerial tour of the city. Have you forgotten where the airport is my pilot buddy? Then again you're American, so I wouldn't put it past you..........

Yes. Land! Land! I'm on Mexican soil! Okay I'm in a plane on Mexican soil my feet are yet to touch the actual Mexican ground but oh my God I'M IN MEXICO! Like for real! Yes the plane is emptying. Ollie to the girlfriend!!! DAMN I'm caught behind a fat middle-aged woman. There's no room to go around her.... ugh!

YES! Just customs and baggage handling left. Okay two queues. Extranjeros - I'm one of those! Yes I'm getting this Spanish thing! Okay just gotta queue behind about ..... 20 people?! Why the hell are there so many other foreigners in Monterrey? It's not exactly the tourist capital of the country! Did they all get Mexican girlfriends too? Wait I can hear them speak... gringos! My God I'm far from home. 

Oh great this woman's taking FOREVER to even check the details of the crew. There's two spare desks: why aren't they manned?! Oh yeah, Danie did mention the red tape in this country. She still doesn't have her degree after 7 months. This is making the FRENCH look efficient! Jesus the plane arrived early and I'm still going to be late!

Finally, my turn! The woman's saying something to me in Spanish. Hmmm what could it be? Think of the context...... maybe she wants to look at my passport just like she has done for everyone else in the queue? Give her the passport and smile in a nice non-paedophilic manner... Oh I'm good! This Spanish thing will be easy!

Okay done. Now for my suitcase. I'm gonna jog down the hallway to the baggage claim. I can't wait any longer. My stomach is choking on its butterflies. Flight from Atlanta. Here it is. Oh God I hope my suitcase comes in one piece. Why is it never the first one? UGH I hate baggage clai-YES there it is. Move over kid I'm getting this bag... got it! Hang on, more Spanish. Why is this woman yelling at me? Maybe you should focus more on making sure your little boy's okay - he seems to have fallen over...

Now I just gotta find arrivals. Arrivals. Oh, llegadas! Let's go let's go let's go! There: an automatic door, and...... WAS THAT HER IN THE SOMBRERO?! (haha so Mexican, but seriously: was that her?). Oh what's this now? A guy checking people's customs forms. Shit, I think I left mine in the plane. It should be okay though, I'm British! These things never apply to me. I'm just going to walk straight for the door - It IS her! SHE SAW ME! How the hell is her hand on my chest already, she's 10 metres away? Oh it's the guard, turns out these customs things do apply to me. Danie's watching me look like a tit. I want to be there so much!

Okay, Spanish time. Um.... blah blah form paper? Yeah I guess that's what he said. I have no clue to be honest, but he's holding up a piece of paper - the form! Um.... "lo he olvidado. Está en el avion". Understand me, Señor Dickhead, and quickly. Oh God not more Spanish.... he's pointing me over there, I have to go back, around the posts.  For fuck's sake am I gonna have two fingers up my - Oh thank God! I just have to complete another form! 

Let's fill this in as fast and half-arsed as I can. My name. easy. Address, easy, Date of Birth... this is like the easiest quiz ever! Reason for being here.... reuniting with the love of your life after a long-distance relationship doesn't seem to be an option, so I'll tick..... "tourism". That doesn't need a Visa. Minimum fuss.  

I'll just give this scribbled nonsense to the guard, reaching over the barrier because I'm not queuing again. He's perusing it. Oh don't mark it buddy, I haven't got time for this sh-Okay he seems content with it - I CAN GO! Yes Danie I'm coming! Oh what's holding me back now... shit my bag has knocked over a pole and I'm dragging the barrier with me. This is embarrassing, I hope Danie doesn't see this... she's laughing. She's totally seen this. Customs buddy, help me! Yes he's unhooked the rope. Okay Ollie ignore everyone and go through that automatic door. My heart is pounding itself out of my chest, God! When these doors open, she'll be on the other side... It's like Blind Date! Oh my God here comes that moment I've waited a year for. Deep breath....

I can't describe what went on in my head the moment she jumped on me and smothered me with kisses. I remember having to make sure my bag was out of everyone else's way, but the joy and incredibility of the whole situation was just ineffable. Danie and I held each other as her sister deftly took photos and videoed
the moment at the same time. I had waited for so long, and now.. finally... I had arrived.

My Mexican adventures were about to begin.....

(Yes, I know this happened four weeks ago, but I've been kinda busy living the experiences I'm yet to share with you guys. Be patient, my imaginary fans! There's more to come soon...)

(Oh, and I obviously made up the bit about knocking the kid over and about Coma-boy, but I can assure you everything else is true!)

I'm not yet done

Ollie

Killing time in the USA

I'm sat in the food court of Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport in Georgia, USA waiting for my connecting flight to Monterrey, Mexico. It's crazy! I've hardly been around the bloody UK and here I am, for the first time, in another continent! I'M IN THE USA OMG!

Okay actually I'm in the USA in the same way as Tom Hanks was in the Terminal: not being allowed actual access to the country and having to make do with the airport's limited and expensive facilities. Luckily, I'm just here for 5 hours (unless Enrique Peña Nieto declares civil war in the next couple of hours) but I was way too excited to spend US dollars for the first time on an actual American Maccy Ds! I feel like Eddie Murphy in Coming to America.

My current location

Already I stick out in this crowd like a lumberjack at gay pride, thanks to my accent. A couple of people have remarked on it already, or at least I think so because I can hardly understand their Southern American accent! This is my own bloody language too: what hope do I have in Mexico!

The journey started early, with my dad very kindly taking me to Heathrow in plenty of time for my 9am departure. The flight was nine hours: my very first long haul flight. I had no idea what to do with myself in that time, but I ended up discussing Candy Crush strategies with the lady next to me (Okay it was more like her helping me. I've become addicted, and for someone who was so good at Tetris I really do suck at this game!) I was pleasantly surprised every time the air hostess came round with refreshments and I didn't have to pay for another Coke.

And thank God for in-flight entertainment! There was an awesome languages game where I could learn numbers and days in lots of languages, but the touch screen was pretty shit. I kept getting the answers wrong on the general knowledge quiz there too! Yes the questions were asking things like "What is the first track of Chaz and Dave's second album?" but I blame the touchscreen for my failure. 

The system also had music on it, so I finally checked out Paramore's latest eponymous album, which isn't as shit as I first thought (maybe it grows on you, but it has nothing on Brand New Eyes or Riot), as well as Jake Bugg, who's somehow made Bob Dylan-style music popular again. 

Oh and the movies! The Campaign, The Identity Thief, and The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. As you can tell, I wasn't interested in any movie with a challenging plot. I've had hardly any sleep so comedy was all I could take. 

I realise this is a lame blog post for those of you who've done long-haul flights before, as it's like someone saying "Have you heard of this awesome thing called Google?!" but hey it's a new experience for me, a statement of intent for the years to come of flying around the world. 

So it's just another few hours until the real fun begins, until I see Daniela again after a whole year apart. I seriously cannot wait: this is insane! I have no clue how I'll react when I see her, but it's exciting. I can already hear a lot of Mexicans in this airport and it's getting me feeling excited and ready for what's about to come. 

Next time you hear from me, I'll be at my destination in Monterrey, Mexico.

Done (for now).

Ollie

PS. I had made a quick video in my attempted Spanish to go with this but the upload speed here sucks, so I'll just upload it later...

I'm back!

WOOHOO! I'm doing it! I'm actually doing it! I'm writing a blog again! HAHA this feels like the first time you hear that crunch when you walk in the snow, the first bite into your favourite cake/steak/hake, when you finally manage to get it in...... A MATHS PROBLEM! Yes, that's right. A MATHS problem that has been bothering you for a long time and you finally get it! Well, anyway, you thought I was gone. No, I was only on a hiatus.

For ever since I wrote my last blog post on New Year's Eve 2012, I have been unable to continue, as on the 5th January I had been surprisingly arrested for libel and sent for 6 months' community service in the Gobi Desert, where I slaved away digging with a diet of nothing but mouldy bread and my own tears.... I obviously had no Internet connection, and so a blog was rather difficult to maintain. One day, while I was there, I did happen upon a Starbucks (they really are everywhere these days aren't they!) but while I grappled away at my smuggled netbook trying to chronicle my life with updates on the geology of the desert, the guards came in and apprehended me, with the temerity to take my netbook to the barista and ask how many iced drinks they could get for the netbook. Thirty minutes later, and I was in solitary confinement, and the guards shared their two tall frappuccinos.

But seriously, the reason why I haven't been able to update is because..... I suck at time management (regular readers/anyone who knows me may have inferred this already). I had been busy with finishing the degree, working my teaching job, and my other commitments at university. I never set the time aside to write anything, but don't worry: there wasn't much worth writing about. I probably saved you an hour's worth of reading of me evaluating classes and whining about my (many) mistakes. Please pass on this extra hour by giving someone you love an hour break as well.... not everyone needs to know the manufacturing process of today's sandwich.

I chose today to return to the blog for a couple of reasons. 1) It's about fucking time. 2) I have the time now I have finished my degree, obtaining the wonderfully mediocre 2:1 that you seem to need for just about any job these days, from investment banking to stunt planking. 3) It is a year to the day that I left Rennes, the French city where I had undergone my exchange, and a massive change, for it had awoken my desire to travel and to have an international career.

This is very fitting because you've probably been wondering "Hey, since a year ago this guy hasn't really said anything - just whining on about how much better his Erasmus life was than his life in the UK.When is this going to become interesting again?"

Yes my friends, in recent times my blog has become rather dull, and hardly worth updating - but NOT any more!!!

For I, Oliver Lloyd of South Wales, am about to embark on another journey! In just 13 days, I will begin ERASMUS LEVEL TWO!!

"But Ollie", you say "You've already been all the way across the pond to Rennes in France, where you hung out only with people who spoke English with you.... how could you make it any more difficult?"

Well, my sarcastic schizophrenic fictional reader, quite easily! I am going across a bigger pond this time: THE ATLANTIC OCEAN!

I'm going to Monterrey, Mexico.

For how long? I don't know! The reason? To be with my lovely girlfriend Daniela again and to have what will hopefully be another unforgettable experience! It's going to be the very first time I leave Europe, so that in itself is a big deal!

I'm not going for an exchange this time, and I don't have a job there BUT I can continue teaching online and maybe seek work there only if I need to. I plan on staying there no longer than a year, but who knows? I need to have an open mind.

My main goal is to become fluent in Spanish, and this time it is far more possible as I will be immersed in Mexican culture, hanging out with the locals. It will be far easier to mingle with the Mexicans than it was with the French, and it certainly helps that I'll be staying with Daniela's family for a while, and they don't speak much English!

I have no graduate job lined up, and for now I don't want one. It's time to take the gap year I never took. To experience another culture further away. I am sure that there will be many interesting updates along the way!



A New Blog?

Looking back on my last post all those months ago, I can say that I've done pretty well on my New Year's Resolutions. I booked the ticket to Mexico in February and got the 2:1 degree. I also think I did become more positive in my last months at uni, Spanish will come with Mexico, but I'm severely lacking in one department: to become a much more experienced writer.

How am I going to do that? I think it's time I launch a second blog to keep myself going. This one will have a theme though. I have really enjoyed learning occasional words of my friends' languages: it breaks down barriers and helps me make more friends. Language proficiency means I can travel to more places, meet more people and do more things, and of course it will also help my employability as well.

I have decided upon my new hobby. I want to become a polyglot: a person who speaks multiple languages.

I also want to look at  different methods for learning and teaching a foreign language. I feel that in this day and age most English speakers don't bother learning a second language due to the ever-growing importance of English worldwide. This saddens me, as I feel it's necessary if you want to travel and really be part of a globalised world. Learning another language has opened my mind - it's amazing to see how different tongues have different ways of saying the same thing. For example in Spanish to say to not count on something before it happens instead of "don't count your chickens before they hatch" they say "no vendas la piel del oso antes de cazarlo" which means literally "don't sell the bearskin before killing the bear". Yes it's nerdy, but I find this kind of thing fascinating, and would love to learn more!

So as I find cool websites and think of reflections I shall post on my new polyglot blog, to which I shall link once I've began. In terms of languages to learn, I'm thinking of German, Portuguese (like Spanish), Italian (should be easier with the other Latin languages), Russian and Mandarin Chinese at the moment. I should also consider my roots and learn Welsh and Polish. If you have any suggestions on languages, please comment!

I look forward to getting my polyglot blog up and running very soon!



As for now....

For now, I have to wait. I'm in Wales and I'm focusing on trying to make room for all the tacos I'll be eating, as I've already been rather too gluttonous over the finals period. As a result of my abstemious diet, I've become rather addicted to the show Man vs Food, insanely jealous of Adam Richman. The guy got paid to travel all over the USA and participate in eating challenges! Lucky bastard! Sitting on the sofa watching Richman dig into an 8-patty burger whilst munching desperately on an apple is just torture! They say punishing yourself like this makes you a stronger person. The only thing getting stronger right now is my urge to shove an 11 pound carnivore pizza down my gob!


In one week from today I shall graduate - dressing like a weirdo (if I can fit in the suit with this gut) to celebrate the fact that I didn't drop out or seriously fuck up my degree. It will be a sentimental day to share with the friends I've made at Warwick, but it has been weird as, unlike my friends, I'm not sad to leave university. I will miss them of course, but I'm just so excited for what's about to come.

I'll finish for now by saying: it's good to be back!

DONE,

Ollie

2013 and the year that's been.

I'm sat in my room alone, about to see out the year with only my parents for company, but I don't mind. I'm sick of the disappointing and overpriced nights out that New Year's Eve usually entails, and it's a refreshing change to be spending it with the two most important people in my life.

Before I join them, however, I believe New Year is a time to reflect upon what has been and to look forward to the immediate future, and for me this has never been more important than tonight.

2012, the best year of my life, has come to an end.


The year that's been.

At the Atomium, Brussels, with my Latino companions

It started immediately with a trip unlike any other. Together with two dear Latin Americans, I traveled across 12 countries in the space of three weeks, seeing the sights, tasting the local cuisine and attempting the languages (horrifically in most cases). It was an incredible adventure and a sign of things to come for this important year.

Me with my special lady

Then came the bulk of my year abroad. I lived in, what was for me, the closest thing to utopia. People from all over the world gathered in the quaint French city of Rennes, paradoxically united by their differences. It took a while for me to adjust to the second semester, as I was dearly missing people from its predecessor, but then I met some amazing new people as well, including a certain beautiful, sweet and kind señorita who would be the most important part of my 2012...

During my semester I also learned an important lesson - that I actually do stand a chance with the big shot employers! I was extremely close to an internship on several occasions with some of the most competitive companies. This has given me the confidence that, if and when the time comes for me to get a proper 'grown-up' job, I'm not completely fucked! Woohoo!

2012 also saw Wales get the Grand Slam, and I enjoyed actually having bragging rights for once among my English peers instead of the usual submission to constant jokes about lust for sheep. We also had our revenge for the World Cup howler against France, and I made sure to flaunt my Welsh jersey the following week or five. Oh, how wonderful that was! I probably should have washed it a bit though....

A beautiful sight we probably won't get next year...

The semester came and went. The exams went well - better than I had ever done at Warwick. It's a shame they counted as much towards my degree as the copious amounts of beer that I drank that year. Then followed the Admissibles period, which was, quite simply, the best time of my life.

I met some incredible people during that period of time who I had not hung out with during the terms. I got paid to play Mario Kart and practise my French, and every day was an intercultural celebration. Best of all, I befriended French people and was asked to perform in their show! My French was the best it had ever been, and my dad even called me fluent! I really am not, but for the sake of my CV, let's say: bilingualism - DONE!

As well as a massive improvement in French, I started to learn the beautiful language that is Spanish, and after six months I'm already pretty confident I can become trilingual in 2013! Maybe that's a bit audacious, but I think I've learned how to learn languages. Now I just need to do the same for business....

James and Pistorius

Upon returning home from the year abroad, the second half of 2012 began, and my summer was dominated by the Olympics and Paralympics, and I was never so proud to be British. The organisation was incredible, the athletes were amazing, the coverage was thorough and our nation really came together this summer, something that we really needed during these shitty economic times! My personal highlights included the obvious 'Super Saturday' and Usain Bolt (and his banter with James Blake), but there was more. Peter Wilson's gold medal in the double trap shooting event was one of my favourites because, apart from him being a pleasant and funny guy, his reaction to seeing his dad for the first time after becoming Olympic Champion was wonderful. I also loved when the would-be 400m champion Kirani James from Grenada asked to swap name tags with Oscar Pistorius in their heat, as Pistorius qualified for the Paralympics AND the Olympics, linking the two games.

Zanardi - a phenomenal man

The Paralympics were even better. David Weir, Jonnie Peacock, Sarah Storey, Ellie Simmonds, Hannah Cockroft, Aled Davies, Lee Pearson... just a few British names among so many incredible athletes who helped redefine the world's perception of disability through their incredible superhuman achievements and determination. My favourite moment was when Alex Zanardi of Italy took the handbike Gold on a track where he used to compete as a Formula One racing driver, before losing his legs in a tragic car accident. The Olympics and Paralympics, as well as Andy Murray's US Open win, made my summer.

My semester back at Warwick was much less eventful, mostly comprising of my attempts to readjust to normal British life at university and to apply myself for the final push. There have been some lows this second half to match the highs of the first, as I have tried to suppress my wanderlust and nostalgia with the necessary final year work ethic. Not to mention the rugby, with Wales losing all four matches while the English achieved their biggest ever victory over an All Blacks side that is arguably the best the world has ever seen. If only the New Zealanders had all caught that stomach bug a week earlier......

The second half of 2012 has had its moments though. I got a job teaching English online for a French company, and it's the best student job I could have asked for. Great money, plays to my strengths (for once) and I don't have to leave my room to do it! I'm continuing with this into 2013 to save up money for my post-graduation travels. I also met some cool people this semester in Warwick, despite my best attempts to be unsociable!

Finally, it has been a wonderful Christmas back in Wales, far better than last year's. For starters, we weren't all ill this time, and we enjoyed the best meals my parents have ever prepared. It was great to spend some quality time with the family and actually relax, for the first time since October.


Still to come in the Life of Ollie, 2013....

My longing for travel lives on...

Indeed 2012 has set the bar high, but I plan to clear it. I have already completed my most difficult semester at Warwick, and now I need to see off my degree. Then I will be free to travel and make an exciting life for myself. Most importantly, I will travel further than I have ever done before to see the special girl with whom I have only been able to communicate over a computer (or smartphone if you want to be pedantic!) since July.  This alone makes 2013 extremely exciting for me.

I had set New Year's Resolutions last year on my blog. I had achieved bilingualism (sort of), gotten an internship (sort of) and lost weight (but put most of it back on) - so not a bad performance! However, this year I will set myself two main resolutions I will make sure I can achieve and then a couple more general resolutions that I may or may not achieve:

For 2013 I will:

1) Graduate from Warwick University with a 2:1 degree or higher.
2) Travel to Mexico.

Monterrey, Mexico - where I shall go.

I shall also attempt the following:

1) Become a much more experienced writer.
2) Become fluent in Spanish, and consolidate my French.
3) Be more positive in my last few months as a university student.

The first two are definites - I must achieve them, and I will make sure I do. As for the other resolutions, I would like to achieve these in order to feel better about myself. The first is to become a much more experienced writer. One autobiographical blog is not enough - I'd like to write and perform songs at university. I would also like to have articles printed in student magazines/newspapers (as a start), after failing at my first attempt.

I shall also be launching a new blog in the new year. Something for which I am very excited, as it will challenge me more than anything else. More details to follow shortly...

We'll meet again, French...

The challenge to become fluent in three languages is very audacious, but I feel that I have the passion and determination to achieve it. Apart from the need to improve my Spanish for the university exam, I shall be focusing on this one more after I have graduated, with a DELF exam in French and the equivalent in Spanish.

But before I graduate, I need to focus on improving my attitude to university life. A brilliant person told me that if I continue to tell myself that I am 'depressed' with Post-Erasmus nostalgia, then I shall actually become depressed. It will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I need to change my attitude. I am not depressed. Yes I miss my girlfriend and Erasmus life, but I need to accept that I'm stuck at Warwick until the summer.

For now, I can enjoy the opportunities life at Warwick offers me by organising and participating in BandSoc's Battle of the Bands competition, writing my new blog and other articles, and by giving my all to my studies while I still can.

I hope that 2013 will bring me more happiness as I am launched from the safe environs of education into the real world. I also hope that you, the reader, will be healthy and happy throughout the next year - especially after your incredible patience to read this lengthy update!

I just want to thank all the people who contributed to make my year what it has been. My family and friends, both from Rennes and in Warwick for putting up with me. Most of all, I want to thank my beautiful girlfriend for coming into my life and making the impact she has. Just a bit longer and I'll be with you again...

Finishing this New Year's update in the same vein as I did at the beginning of 2012, I shall post my favourite picture to remind myself, and maybe you too, what is really important. Happy New Year to you all.

Rant over
Ollie

The Next Thing - coming soon