2013 and the year that's been.

I'm sat in my room alone, about to see out the year with only my parents for company, but I don't mind. I'm sick of the disappointing and overpriced nights out that New Year's Eve usually entails, and it's a refreshing change to be spending it with the two most important people in my life.

Before I join them, however, I believe New Year is a time to reflect upon what has been and to look forward to the immediate future, and for me this has never been more important than tonight.

2012, the best year of my life, has come to an end.


The year that's been.

At the Atomium, Brussels, with my Latino companions

It started immediately with a trip unlike any other. Together with two dear Latin Americans, I traveled across 12 countries in the space of three weeks, seeing the sights, tasting the local cuisine and attempting the languages (horrifically in most cases). It was an incredible adventure and a sign of things to come for this important year.

Me with my special lady

Then came the bulk of my year abroad. I lived in, what was for me, the closest thing to utopia. People from all over the world gathered in the quaint French city of Rennes, paradoxically united by their differences. It took a while for me to adjust to the second semester, as I was dearly missing people from its predecessor, but then I met some amazing new people as well, including a certain beautiful, sweet and kind señorita who would be the most important part of my 2012...

During my semester I also learned an important lesson - that I actually do stand a chance with the big shot employers! I was extremely close to an internship on several occasions with some of the most competitive companies. This has given me the confidence that, if and when the time comes for me to get a proper 'grown-up' job, I'm not completely fucked! Woohoo!

2012 also saw Wales get the Grand Slam, and I enjoyed actually having bragging rights for once among my English peers instead of the usual submission to constant jokes about lust for sheep. We also had our revenge for the World Cup howler against France, and I made sure to flaunt my Welsh jersey the following week or five. Oh, how wonderful that was! I probably should have washed it a bit though....

A beautiful sight we probably won't get next year...

The semester came and went. The exams went well - better than I had ever done at Warwick. It's a shame they counted as much towards my degree as the copious amounts of beer that I drank that year. Then followed the Admissibles period, which was, quite simply, the best time of my life.

I met some incredible people during that period of time who I had not hung out with during the terms. I got paid to play Mario Kart and practise my French, and every day was an intercultural celebration. Best of all, I befriended French people and was asked to perform in their show! My French was the best it had ever been, and my dad even called me fluent! I really am not, but for the sake of my CV, let's say: bilingualism - DONE!

As well as a massive improvement in French, I started to learn the beautiful language that is Spanish, and after six months I'm already pretty confident I can become trilingual in 2013! Maybe that's a bit audacious, but I think I've learned how to learn languages. Now I just need to do the same for business....

James and Pistorius

Upon returning home from the year abroad, the second half of 2012 began, and my summer was dominated by the Olympics and Paralympics, and I was never so proud to be British. The organisation was incredible, the athletes were amazing, the coverage was thorough and our nation really came together this summer, something that we really needed during these shitty economic times! My personal highlights included the obvious 'Super Saturday' and Usain Bolt (and his banter with James Blake), but there was more. Peter Wilson's gold medal in the double trap shooting event was one of my favourites because, apart from him being a pleasant and funny guy, his reaction to seeing his dad for the first time after becoming Olympic Champion was wonderful. I also loved when the would-be 400m champion Kirani James from Grenada asked to swap name tags with Oscar Pistorius in their heat, as Pistorius qualified for the Paralympics AND the Olympics, linking the two games.

Zanardi - a phenomenal man

The Paralympics were even better. David Weir, Jonnie Peacock, Sarah Storey, Ellie Simmonds, Hannah Cockroft, Aled Davies, Lee Pearson... just a few British names among so many incredible athletes who helped redefine the world's perception of disability through their incredible superhuman achievements and determination. My favourite moment was when Alex Zanardi of Italy took the handbike Gold on a track where he used to compete as a Formula One racing driver, before losing his legs in a tragic car accident. The Olympics and Paralympics, as well as Andy Murray's US Open win, made my summer.

My semester back at Warwick was much less eventful, mostly comprising of my attempts to readjust to normal British life at university and to apply myself for the final push. There have been some lows this second half to match the highs of the first, as I have tried to suppress my wanderlust and nostalgia with the necessary final year work ethic. Not to mention the rugby, with Wales losing all four matches while the English achieved their biggest ever victory over an All Blacks side that is arguably the best the world has ever seen. If only the New Zealanders had all caught that stomach bug a week earlier......

The second half of 2012 has had its moments though. I got a job teaching English online for a French company, and it's the best student job I could have asked for. Great money, plays to my strengths (for once) and I don't have to leave my room to do it! I'm continuing with this into 2013 to save up money for my post-graduation travels. I also met some cool people this semester in Warwick, despite my best attempts to be unsociable!

Finally, it has been a wonderful Christmas back in Wales, far better than last year's. For starters, we weren't all ill this time, and we enjoyed the best meals my parents have ever prepared. It was great to spend some quality time with the family and actually relax, for the first time since October.


Still to come in the Life of Ollie, 2013....

My longing for travel lives on...

Indeed 2012 has set the bar high, but I plan to clear it. I have already completed my most difficult semester at Warwick, and now I need to see off my degree. Then I will be free to travel and make an exciting life for myself. Most importantly, I will travel further than I have ever done before to see the special girl with whom I have only been able to communicate over a computer (or smartphone if you want to be pedantic!) since July.  This alone makes 2013 extremely exciting for me.

I had set New Year's Resolutions last year on my blog. I had achieved bilingualism (sort of), gotten an internship (sort of) and lost weight (but put most of it back on) - so not a bad performance! However, this year I will set myself two main resolutions I will make sure I can achieve and then a couple more general resolutions that I may or may not achieve:

For 2013 I will:

1) Graduate from Warwick University with a 2:1 degree or higher.
2) Travel to Mexico.

Monterrey, Mexico - where I shall go.

I shall also attempt the following:

1) Become a much more experienced writer.
2) Become fluent in Spanish, and consolidate my French.
3) Be more positive in my last few months as a university student.

The first two are definites - I must achieve them, and I will make sure I do. As for the other resolutions, I would like to achieve these in order to feel better about myself. The first is to become a much more experienced writer. One autobiographical blog is not enough - I'd like to write and perform songs at university. I would also like to have articles printed in student magazines/newspapers (as a start), after failing at my first attempt.

I shall also be launching a new blog in the new year. Something for which I am very excited, as it will challenge me more than anything else. More details to follow shortly...

We'll meet again, French...

The challenge to become fluent in three languages is very audacious, but I feel that I have the passion and determination to achieve it. Apart from the need to improve my Spanish for the university exam, I shall be focusing on this one more after I have graduated, with a DELF exam in French and the equivalent in Spanish.

But before I graduate, I need to focus on improving my attitude to university life. A brilliant person told me that if I continue to tell myself that I am 'depressed' with Post-Erasmus nostalgia, then I shall actually become depressed. It will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I need to change my attitude. I am not depressed. Yes I miss my girlfriend and Erasmus life, but I need to accept that I'm stuck at Warwick until the summer.

For now, I can enjoy the opportunities life at Warwick offers me by organising and participating in BandSoc's Battle of the Bands competition, writing my new blog and other articles, and by giving my all to my studies while I still can.

I hope that 2013 will bring me more happiness as I am launched from the safe environs of education into the real world. I also hope that you, the reader, will be healthy and happy throughout the next year - especially after your incredible patience to read this lengthy update!

I just want to thank all the people who contributed to make my year what it has been. My family and friends, both from Rennes and in Warwick for putting up with me. Most of all, I want to thank my beautiful girlfriend for coming into my life and making the impact she has. Just a bit longer and I'll be with you again...

Finishing this New Year's update in the same vein as I did at the beginning of 2012, I shall post my favourite picture to remind myself, and maybe you too, what is really important. Happy New Year to you all.

Rant over
Ollie

The Next Thing - coming soon

Does Post-Erasmus Depression Syndrome exist?

Hey my fictional fans! I'm finally home from a semester at Warwick that can best be described as "meh". I don't want to set a tone that's TOO pessimistic: it didn't have quite the hopelessness that encompassed my second year, but that is mostly because this time I can see the light at the end of the long and winding tunnel that is my business degree.

I really wanted to update the blog this term. I had actually written about 5 or 6 drafts! I couldn't bring myself to do it though, because I knew there would only be one recurring theme about my life - the anti-climax it had become. After a year of constant excitement and self-discovery, life back at the same place where you had spent the preceding two years would inevitably not be as fulfilling. I didn't want to post constantly miserable updates throughout the semester so I'm just going to pop the one up now. Merry Christmas everyone!

If the four years of my degree were like a movie in the cinema, then last year would have been the awesome climactic part where things start to go right and then there's a happy ending. Think the battle of the Black Gate in Lord of the Rings or something. It's the really exciting part, and then BAM - Ring destroyed, Sauron gone, lots of crying elves, woohoo.

My fourth year feels like the credits are rolling (not the cast part, but at the end when you find out who was the assistant to the gaffer in the electrical development of a special effect that was deleted from the final cut) and the usher is whacking me with a mop telling me to get the fuck out already because I'm overstaying and he needs to get the next lot of movie fans in, who incidentally are paying triple the cost for their ticket for the exact same film.

This term was as exciting as a documentary about twigs, and it's mostly my fault.

People, like this guy below, talk about Post-Erasmus Depression Syndrome as a common after-effect of Erasmus. I think it's safe to say that this state of mind exists, and I'm a 'sufferer'.

Regression

My Erasmus year in Rennes taught me many things: to be positive, to seize every opportunity, to pursue your passion. However, when I was back in the familiar environs of the two years before, I can't help but think what I was like there during that time, and I fear that I have relapsed to that state.

In terms of my personal development, it may be safe to say that those first two years at university were the 'Dark Ages'. Year 1 is partly vindicated by the fact that I learned how to live independently, but apart from that it was a backwards step, and by the end of my second year I had gone from this high-achieving school leaver who was confident in his abilities and potential to a nervous wreck who felt completely lost about himself and his future. Erasmus couldn't have come at a better time.

Coming back to Warwick was almost like being a Fresher again. My confidence and optimism had been renewed, but this time I was determined. I was determined to not mess up this year like I did my first two. However, I don't feel like I've made much of an improvement. I have put in more effort (although still not enough really) at the expense of a social life. However, as the term 'social life' seems to mean getting hideously inebriated and trying to get lucky with some girl that looks like the back end of a goat and with a matching countenance, I'm not really missing out on much there!

Maybe this social life is the problem though. In Rennes it was easier, and not only because there were fewer hircine women. There seemed to be more to do, or there were more people who would think of things to do rather than rely on a select few to do it, hence more variety of social activity. At Warwick life feels like Groundhog Day, and I may as well actually study - it's just a shame that I'm not very good at it!

I haven't really exploited other opportunities either. Thanks to an ongoing problem with the practice room I haven't been able to form a band or do my job as Treasurer at the university's band society. I've written just one article for a student magazine that didn't even make the print. I've hardly done anything, apart from this teaching job to earn money to save up for potential travel plans once this boring year is over. However, due to my inability at being frugal, I'm not even doing that properly! (What am I spending my money on? I don't know! I have no life! I guess it must be all on comfort food and caffeine.) I'm as useful as a male nipple.


Misanthropic me?

My biggest problem seems to be that I've ricocheted from the try-hard extrovert that I was in my first year of university to someone who really can't be bothered to meet new people. I'm usually very comfortable with meeting strangers and I enjoyed finding that common ground (there was always something), the foundation upon which a friendship could be built.

However, these days I find the whole process too draining. Maybe it's because I've met so many people already, maybe it's because I can't even make the time to spend with all the friends I already have, or maybe I've just had enough of making shallow acquaintances with whom you basically just make MSN conversation whenever you bump into them on campus and it's too awkward to ignore them. You know what I mean:

"Hey man (because I forgot his name)"
"Hey Ollie (they remember mine, which makes me feel guilty)"
"How are you?"
"Good man. You?"
"Yeah all good....... see you later!"
"Later bro! (Why am I calling you 'bro'? You know nothing of my life! Unless you read my blog, then you'd probably know more than my actual brothers do...)"

So now I've erected a barrier around myself. I will not give my time to anyone who doesn't deserve it. The problem is, my closest friends are the social butterflies they always were. A couple of weeks ago I went to my friend's house expecting a quiet meal and three hours later I escaped from the house like it was Alcatraz, terrified at the prospect of making new friendships. I felt terrible for doing that, as I'm sure they were perfectly nice people, but I've got into a self-destructive frame of mind:  I'm not here for making friends. I'm here to struggle my way to a decent degree to give myself the best options for my future: a future that will probably not have anything to do with my degree anyway.

Wow, when I put it that way, this year really does look rather shit! It isn't all bad though. I still have some of my best friends around, who still manage to tolerate me. Furthermore, in terms of classes, this has been the best semester yet (obviously, because I've chosen them VERY carefully). After attempting the hardcore finance study, relying on my maths and avoiding "bullshit" modules, I thought I'd change to a subject where the lecturer does not have a fetish for making students cry with impossible exams. Naturally, I returned to the bullshit.


Highlight of the term? Classes!

Images of Creativity is possibly the best class I have done EVER. Spanish is a beautiful language and our teacher is incredible (I still have a B1 level in my sights by the end of the year). I did two law modules, which continually remind me how I probably would have much preferred a law degree. Oh and there was Managing Customer Service, the only real business option I took this semester, and that was because I can do an exam in January and get it out of the way. This is the only class where I can safely say what my teacher's research interest is in - the National Health Service. How do I know? Because every fucking case study was based on it! It was more like Managing Patient Service!

Oh and there had to be one core module to ruin my life: CIM. It stands for Critical Issues in Management, but to me Catholic Incessant Molestation would be a more apt analogy. That course will rape the hopes and dreams out of me through its wishy-washy repetitive case studies that are clearly all focused on the insolvable issue that is ethics. They say each case is different - it really isn't. It's all about ethics and made up countries. The best thing is that our teacher doesn't want us to waffle if we don't know the answer. THERE IS NO FUCKING ANSWER TO KNOW! We waffle or we stay silent - up to you scary lady.

I could do a whole blog post about the classes this term, as they were the only interesting thing I seemed to do. I may subject you to that later this week. The best thing about these classes was that I did get to meet new people through them. My barriers were disabled in class, and I've met some really nice people, or at least got to know some people a bit better so we're now having more than MSN conversations.


The bottom line?

I guess what upsets me most of all is not that I don't like being in the UK, but that I don't like that I don't like being in the UK. See what I mean? Why do I feel so asphyxiated at home? My life here is perfectly fine - I have great friends and lots of opportunities.

I just feel that I'm holding my breath by staying in my home country for so long and that I need a gasp of fresh air, to break the surface and fly somewhere else. Just for a bit. Just to experience international life once more. Just to be with my international friends again. Just to be with my girl again...

Oh yeah, a long-distance relationship resulting from Erasmus MAY be an important factor in one getting Post-Erasmus Depression Syndrome! I miss her every day and wish I had enough money to travel to Mexico on a whim and surprise her. Of course, I'm not that wealthy. If I were I would have gone to Oxford University for starters....

But seriously, life at the moment feels like limbo again, but it's much worse this time because it's for a whole year rather than a month. Once more I'm not really looking forward to Christmas this year, but it's much worse this time because last year I was looking forward to the end of Christmas - to my trip around Europe and another semester in Rennes.

This year, I have only graduation to look forward to, way ahead in July. I'm wishing away my last year of university. I can't help it - I just feel that four years may be too long, that this extra year is like that extra episode of Only Fools and Horses. They became millionaires - why the fuck did they have to air one more episode where they'd lost it all? I felt like a millionaire last year. Everything was right.

This is what Post-Erasmus Depression seems to do to you. It makes you view your Erasmus year through rose-coloured glasses and your time after through shit-stained ones. I guess Post-Erasmus Depression only hit me when I was back in my own university and making the inevitable comparisons between the two student lifestyles. Perhaps.

All I know is that I want this to end. I want to get this degree over and done with without fucking it up, and be free to unleash the side of me that blossomed last year but is suppressed by Warwick life for some unknown reason. Just six or seven months to go and hopefully all this will pay off.


Whew! Glad that's all out.

Sorry for the pessimistic post, but sometimes this blog becomes my catharsis and I need to share how I really feel (I can hear Ken Jeong going "GAY!" here). I'm also sorry for the lack of photos. I didn't take any this semester - there were no memories to keep (be right back, I'm getting the world's smallest violin...) I try to minimise the misery in my blog. I know it's not as much fun to read - so I'm sorry for the relapse here.

I came up with a new idea though yesterday for a new blog, a way to push myself as a writer, and I will divulge more on a separate post. Hopefully if I can improve my writing, I can stay a little sane and feel better!

Rant over

Ollie