My big-ass challenge.

Hello my non-existant fans!

Yes I'm back. Did you miss me? Yeah I was gone for a couple of weeks, but it's okay. I'm back now. Chill. Put down that gun. Untie your wife and kids, and enjoy another snippet of ollish wisdom.

Oh hang on! You've just been stumped by a new word haven't you, Well the Oxford Concise English Dictionary defines the word ollish as:




ollish n. of or pertaining to the actions, diallect, and/or disposition of Oliver Lloyd, the young author of 'The Magic Stapler' from Newport, South Wales. (Origin: Early 21st century. From Ollie, Welsh for 'an awesome yet idiosyncratically weird dude'.)




I thought I'd be like George Orwell and use neologisms. The English language needs people like me. Well it doesn't really, but I want to contribute nevertheless!


So anyway, what am I writing about here? No, my dream where I had a carrot for a penis needs to be kept quiet and personal. Hmmm.... what is le sujet du jour? Oh yeah!

I did promise that this entry would explain why I'm writing the blog, and I'm sure there's some nutter in Austria who hasn't eaten for 3 weeks in anticipitation, so Mr Schwarz, you can preheat the oven, cause now I will divulge.

I've already hinted at my desire to exercise my creativity like I used to back in school. Writing stuff is fun - well, unless it's a university essay. That often sucks. I used to write poems, lyrics, speeches, stories, and I wasn't that bad. It makes my soul sing, and I think the most important thing to do in life is something you enjoy. I made a mistake choosing my degree, but I know I don't have to use what I've learned and actually go into business, so it's not the end of the world :)

So there you go, a free piece of advice. If you're young enough to be choosing your university course now, choose something you enjoy, because you'll be good at it, you'll actually want to study it, and there are many companies that hire people from any degree background (and there's always postgraduate conversion courses so you could spend just one year doing something more vocational if you'd like).

However, despite my course being at times disheartening and soul-crushing, there have been some classes that I've found rather enjoyable. And it has one redeeming factor. I'm studying for a BSc in International Management. The 'international' part basically means I spend my third year in another country.

And that's the main reason for me writing this blog.

Tadah! On September 3rd I'll be leaving for a year at ESC Rennes, the business school in Rennes, the capital of Brittany, France. So I thought I'd document my experiences, actions and learnings (if that isn't already a word, it's another neologism okay?) to share with whoever wants to read it, but also as a kind of diary for myself.

I've been to France many times for holiday - every summer since I was 6. I'm now 20. Do the maths. That's a lot of ferry trips! -  I've also been for the occasional Easter break and school trip, so I am well acquainted with the country, so why the hell am I going there for my year abroad when I could have gone to cool places like USA, Canada, Australia, Hong Kong or even Budapest (In Hungary. Where? Fuck knows)?

On paper it's insane, I know. I've hardly been anywhere in this big wide world and when I get an opportunity to go somewhere new, I choose the country where over the years I've nearly spent a year on vacation. Well, I can't afford to go outside Europe. I'm nothing like as rich as some of my classmates, and I can't save my money. I worked at Pizza Hut while at uni for the first two years, and all I have to show for it is a few CDs, DVDs and an Amazon Kindle. Don't get me wrong, I love my Kindle, and I'd recommend it to anyone, but I earned a few thousand during my time there, and I should have saved it for more big things rather than spend it all on nights out and God knows what.

So yeah, I can't afford anywhere else. But to be honest, who cares? I don't think I'd want to spend a whole year in the US, for example. I'd be sick of the constant commercial breaks on TV that interrupt their dumbass programmes (I'll never forgive them for cancelling Lie To Me), as well as the pervasive  Christianity and old-fashioned values of racism, homophobia and social immobility. I think I'll just pop there for a sloppy joe instead.

I'm actually looking forward to France, and I did choose it above the other european destinations. I know Budapest was a given 'no', but there was also Copenhagen, Gothenburg (in Sweden!), Rotterdam (in The Netherlands), and the beautiful area of Milan. I basically chose France because I want to get something out of an extra year at university. If you think of the opportunity cost of a year's graduate salary, then delaying graduation needs to be worth it. People in the UK graduate after 3 years so the extra year of study isn't really necessary.  I also need it to provide me with more than just awesome experiences - it needs to make me more employable. So I am going there not only to have loads of fun, but to become fluent in French. I've always wanted to be bilingual, like my dad. It's so cool switching languages comme ça!

That task is going to be very difficult for me to achieve, because I haven't studied French since 'A' level 2 years ago, and thus I'll have to take my business courses in English. While this makes it much easier to pass my courses, it will mean I'm speaking and reading English for most of my studies.

The second obstacle will be the French themselves. They love speaking English! A french girl I'm at uni with told me 'Ollee yoo need tu work on your French axonte!' Obviously I took the hypocrite's advice with a pinch of salt, but I realise she actually had a point. My apologies, girl in question (you still need to work on your English accent though!). The accent never bothered me, because I thought as long as I get the words right they'll understand what I'm saying. And they do. But that's not the problem. As soon as a French person detects that I am English-speaking, they tend to instantly speak to me in English, hurrying me along and making it a lot more difficult to practise my French. It's like the French are defending their own language from les étrangers, shielding it with our own language and deflecting any attempt of ours to intrude upon it.


The problem is, you know how some people are tone-deaf, and they just can't sing in tune no matter how they try? I'm accent-deaf. I can't do any other accent apart from my own Welsh accent (apart from accentuating the Welshness). Trust me, it's dermatologically proven!!! My skin is not that of an impressionist. When I try to do any other accent, I just sound Pakistani. When I try to do Pakistani, I just sound more Welsh. So how can I master the language if I can't mask my Britishness? Will I have to disguise myself? Look like this?

I know! I'll allow them to speak to me in English, but only if I can speak to them in French. That way both parties become bilingual, and I won't be a selfish dickhead who only permits the development of his own language. If that's what I have to do, so be it. Bring it on!

So there you have it! Blogging is fun, I can be creative again, and I can document my year abroad. If you can think of any suggestions for things I could do while writing this blog, please comment below. If I like it, I'll do it!

Rant over

Ollie